Couples Attachment Work
UNDERSTANDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP — TOGETHER
An 8-session programme for couples
What happens when you keep having the same argument?
Perhaps you love each other deeply, but somehow keep getting caught in familiar patterns.
One of you reaches out and the other withdraws.
One wants to talk while the other needs space.
One feels uncared for while the other feels criticised.
You may understand each other's point of view intellectually, but still find yourselves reacting in the same ways.
A different way of exploring your relationship
This work draws on Una McCluskey's Dynamics of Attachment Model, which offers a way of understanding the interconnected systems that influence how we relate to ourselves, to each other and to the world around us.
Rather than simply asking “Who is right?” or trying to decide who needs to change, the model invites couples to become curious about what is happening between them — and what is happening underneath it - and what do we want/need to happen.
We explore the ways each person has learned to:
- seek care and support
- give care to others
- protect themselves when they feel threatened
- connect through shared interests and exploration
- experience sexuality and intimacy
- create an internal sense of safety and support
- create an external environment that supports wellbeing
These seven systems are interconnected and operate together as part of the way we maintain relationships, wellbeing and vitality.
Why explore this as a couple?
Our attachment patterns don't disappear when we become adults. They can become particularly visible in our closest relationships.
When something feels threatening, disappointing or uncertain, we may automatically move into familiar ways of protecting ourselves.
We might: pursue • withdraw • criticise • appease • shut down • over-function • become defensive • take care of the other person • stop asking for what we need
Often these responses make sense when we understand the underlying pattern.
The difficulty is that your protective response can trigger your partner's protective response — which then triggers yours.
And the cycle continues.
This work offers an opportunity to slow that cycle down and become curious about what is happening.
What will we do?
Across eight 90-minute sessions, we will explore the seven attachment systems sequentially, using the model as a framework for understanding your individual and shared patterns. The intention isn't to find someone to blame. It is to create a space where you can become more curious about the pattern between you.
The programme:
Initial meeting — 90 minutes
An introductory and assessment session gives us an opportunity to meet, understand what brings you to the work, discuss what you would like to explore and consider whether this approach is appropriate for you as a couple.
Then 8 × 90-minute sessions
The seven attachment systems are explored sequentially, followed by a final session bringing together your learning and reflections from the work.
Cost:
£1,200 + £120 initial introductory/assessment session
